On the outside you may continue to function as always, little difference perceptible by anyone else. You live out your days in front of others as you always have, yet this other life in you is happening unbeknownst to everyone else. Yet you are in or are entering a dark night.
Have you been through a dark night before? How do you know it’s a dark night? There are a few signs that may indicate this is a holy and dark night orchestrated by God for your spiritual growth.
You may be in a dark night:
1. When a situation or circumstance turns bad, or ugly in its own way and with your every attempt to deal with it, by explanation, defence, justice, even mercy, it doesn’t help. It only seems to make it worse.
2. When your prayers go continually unanswered and heaven seems to be closing itself to you. The heavens are as brass and you are left to yourself to deal with an impossible situation.
3. The situation defies logic and can’t seem to be figured out. Scriptures don’t apply, the well meaning of friends and their prayers and ministries don’t seem to apply. Messages that held spiritual value and significance to you, don’t seem to matter or apply now.
4. When you have sought God concerning the matter and it still grows worse. Thinking it was something you did that brought it on or must deal with in the spirit before it will end, you ask His forgiveness for every conceivable wrongdoing and sin, known, unknown, from your birth, even before you were born! By memory you’ve regurgitated every lie you’ve ever told, every comment ever made that offended, every cuss and every sneeze and repented endlessly and over again. Yet the situation continues to grows worse.
5. You begin to think or feel that nearly EVERYTHING you do, say or think is evil in His sight. You yourself perceive it all as evil. You become very cautious with your every move. Though error still slip in, you are very quick to repent of it, so it doesn’t get away unnoticed. It must be destroyed. No mercy. You feel the same of every good deed as you do of every sin, they are all the same, none is better than the other. All is unacceptable to Him who loves perfectly. Who you are, because of the sinful nature that you have no power to remove yourself, are also unacceptable. All except that perfect seed within you that is His Spirit. That alone makes you worthy, but you don’t see it, know it, feel it, hear it. It seems not to move or be alive.
Here your faith is tested as to whether you even believe He is there within. (This is a most difficult thing. You feel yourself utterly unloveable and unlovely, yet in the deepest crevasse of your inner most sanctum you sense a peace with it. Yet this does not yet register with your understanding. Your quandary is more in your mind, trying to make sense of all this. Trying to understand what it is you’ve done wrong. Only your spirit is perceiving it is loved in HIS Righteousness. It is the only thing to be loved in you.)
6. In desperation for the Lord, in prayer and seeking after Him, you become willing to abandon all you’ve understood before. (Religion can not live through this). What you had leaned on isn’t working anymore. Not here. This is too hard. This is too hopeless.
Eventually you think to ask that death would swallow you and be the answer to ending this anguish, yet you know somehow that it wouldn’t, it isn’t God’s will. You continue asking if you are deceived, asking for more Truth and Life, yet knowing this isn’t to be your request either somehow. So even that won’t suffice. Neither Life nor death holds solace. Only Christ will do. Yet Christ seems afar off, or to have forgotten you, forsaken you. You have nothing.
Your spirit is in a deep and dark place. It doesn’t even feel like you have a spirit anymore. You have nothing. Nothing in which to hope or lean on, look to or desire. This darkness closes in around you deeper and darker all the time. The loneliness that dwells in the deepest recesses seems the only thing you know.
It is here in this deep and very dark place, where even the darkness would seem to suffocate you, that something sustains you beyond your understanding. All you know is ‘you are’. You have no power or capacity to understand it, move it, show it, share it, take it or leave it. It is just there.
It is here that He is. He is stripping you of elements of the flesh nature that only He can perceive and understand at this stage. You must simply trust, even though it may not feel to you that it is Him at all. At some point though, He does let you know, or at least suspect, that it is Him. This is your way back out again. As you begin to know and trust it is Him, you give yourself up to Him as you are able. You die a day at a time. Here, you are a sacrifice and He the priest that has prepared you for this very sacrifice.
This is only a sample of possible indications of the actual dark night of the soul. There may be portions of our walk with God that have some of these conditions, but may not be an actual dark and Holy night. The soul will always suffer in its death. Ultimately it is all in His hands and whether you are brought low or lifted high, let Him have his way that He may complete a perfect work in you.
(**Please note: This is not like chronic or clinical depression. Though you may feel depressed because you are under your circumstances, and struggling to rise above them, this is not a chronic condition and does not usually manifest the same physical and even mental weaknesses that clinical depression does.)
My posts related to the Dark and Holy Night are;
6 Signs You Are in a Dark Night
November 28, 2008 at 3:55 am
Good evening. Those dark valleys are not at all fun, but are the place where spiritual growth takes place. The trials of our faith which work patience.
Have a blessed weekend in Jesus.
timbob
November 28, 2008 at 5:40 pm
Here’s another sign. When people you trust begin to turn on you. Sometimes they go back to normal after but sometimes this is how God gets some people out of your life and shows peoples true colors too. It makes us have to trust only him and have no one else to turn to.
Roger
November 28, 2008 at 5:53 pm
The dark night is definately lonely and a trying of our faith.
Thanks timbob for your comment and Roger thanks for another sign of the dark night.
dj
November 29, 2008 at 1:34 pm
St John of the Cross, as a matter of interest, never uses the phrase “dark night of the soul”, which is quite misleading: he only speaks of the “dark night”, which has two phases, of the senses and of the spirit.
November 29, 2008 at 5:59 pm
Thanks for clarifying that, Paul. I appreciate it. It has been some time since I’ve read the book (15+ years), Dark Night of the Soul.
The book I read most recently was the Jesse Penn-Lewis “Life Out of Death”. It was a quick read and I had first pulled it off the shelf without remembering what it was about. While reading, however, it was confirmed to me I was in a dark night. (One way the Lord got it through to me).
Maybe I’ll go back and read Dark Night of the Soul again.
November 30, 2008 at 10:22 pm
This is so perfect for what I am going through. I found myself amazed by your descriptions and how perfectly well they match my emotions.
Thanks so much for this.
Take care,
Hope
December 1, 2008 at 6:13 pm
It helps sometimes to get the clarity we need from reading someone else. If this has done that for you, I’m glad, Hope.
dj
December 21, 2008 at 4:40 pm
your description exactly matches my situation. I wonder how you can describe such a rare experience so vividly. Is it authentic experience or simply knowledge? If have it as first hand experience, how did you go through it, and have you got out of it now?
December 22, 2008 at 5:38 pm
Hi Futuh,
The Dark Night is a womb to the spirit and a tomb to the soul.
The Dark Nights I have experienced have been very authentic. Not contrived as something I could bring on myself, nor were they a depression or an extended period of self pity. Self pity becomes an enemy we ABSOLUTELY MUST, in the spirit and by the power of the Holy Spirit, strive to overcome. (If we do not learn to overcome self pity, we simply can not overcome anything else).
The purpose of an authentic Dark Night that God himself leads us into (and leads us out of) is for the purpose of stripping us of our trust in ourselves, our religion, our religious mindset/idols and ANYTHING and EVERYTHING that God needs to strip from us. This is a process of maturing the spirit, so that we may grow to the full measure of the stature of Christ. I don’t think God does a complete and thorough work of this with anyone through only one Dark Night. It’s a process and He takes us deeper every time.
You asked how I got out of it.
Well, my most recent experience through this holy darkness was a few months long this year. It was the Lord Himself who gave me the understanding that he had brought me into a Dark Night through different experiences over time. For the last month or so I have been wondering if it is over. I think it is, but am awaiting further confirmation. If I get it, fine. If not, I simply continue to walk my journey, no matter what my Father gives me. (Shall I not drink the cup my Father gives me to drink?).
A true and authentic experience like, this through such a holy darkness is entirely God’s doing. You have to know this to really understand. Consider Jesus being lead into the wilderness by the Holy Spirit where He was tempted of the devil. It was an exercise of spiritual overcoming that Jesus had to go through. Jesus didn’t just decide to go through this experience to advance himself spiritually.
Job. Think of Job and what he experienced as God stripped him of his understanding of God, of himself, his friendships, his family, his life and his world. God put everything into its proper perspective by taking it all away from Job the way he did. Job had arguments against God. His friends insisted it was punishment for some sin he did or his family did. But going in to his experience, Job had a heart that understood God’s faithfulness at the very least (but it also added to Job’s confusion until God clarified things), and Job gave to God his faithfulness.
“Though He slay me, yet will I trust Him”.
How many of us have quoted that scripture time and again? Yet how many have uttered it from their own lips in the hollows of the haunting, dark corners of their own spiritual journey where the words linger this side of the lips, not yet able to spill forward and confess their existence. To do so is to commit ‘suicide’, as far as the carnal mind sees it.
Here is God, so great and sovereign, ruler of all things and everything you have known has just been stripped from you. Your carnal mind launches into argument after argument (just like Job did), as to why this is unjust and unfair. You plead your good points and, if necessary, confess some bad ones, right?
To concede that all you know means nothing and is as worthless as dung, so are all your relationships unless ordered of God, so are all your life plans, your hopes, dreams, understanding of God, your spirituality, your religion, etc. To confess it all is worthless suicide to the carnal mind. Makes no sense.
But that is what this process is for. To make us naked in the truest sense that He, Christ, may clothe us with righteousness.
I didn’t decide to go into a dark night experience, Futuh, and I couldn’t decide when to come out or how. To you and anyone else who would read this, I must say again, this is NOT a depression or some sad and sorry time in one’s life. When we go through a sad and sorry time, then it is a sad and sorry time. That does not make it a DARK NIGHT! Depression is an experience of the soul, a dark night is of the spirit. Though this plays a part in our spiritual growth it is not a holy darkness experience in and of itself.
In the deepest recesses of our soul, the spirit will enlighten us if this is a true dark night according to the Spirit of God. Much like the revelation we receive of Jesus Christ, we don’t decide to have the revelation. It is given us or it isn’t.
I hope this has helped you.
*********************************
You had also made a comment on another page that you have been going through your experience for 6 years and have seen psychiatrists.
I feel for you in your despair and anguish, and pray the Holy Spirit lead you in the proper direction. I am not a person trained in the mind or body by science at all. I only know what I know by the Spirit of God.
My first thought is that you are not going through a specific dark night experience as I have meant to describe it in and by the Spirit. The Holy Spirit does not lead us into despair. Despair is hopelessness and with God there is ALWAYS hope. You are definitely going through a dark time though. To feel despair for a very long time with no real relief, I know what that experience is like too, which is why I feel it is so necessary to distinguish the difference.
My prayer for you is to know and understand God’s faithfulness (by nature He can not be otherwise), and understand His Sovereignty. You are not lost, He has NEVER forsaken you, He never snuff’s out a smouldering wick. If you can trust God to be faithful to you (no matter what happens to you, how it happens, etc), then you are beginning to learn the fear of the Lord. This is the beginning of Wisdom, according to God in the Proverbs.
Without faith we can not please God. Have faith. Faith is Christ. He is our faith. Christ in us IS OUR FAITH. We are to have the faith OF Christ (not ‘in’ Christ) opporating in us. He must grow within us. He must increase, I must decrease, John the Baptist said. You may have to stab doubt in the heart several times to kill it, but you must let faith be exercised in your spirit. Do not let doubt rule your soul.
I began to learn to gain ground against the enemy when I was completely and utterly honest with God about myself. Fears, hesitations, sins, etc. I can be honest with the devil about them too when He comes to accuse me. I ask the Lord to do whatever He must with me, to cleanse me that the devil not be able to find anything in me. Just like He could find nothing in Jesus to condemn him for or accuse Him of.
This may be why the Dark Night experiences come around, to do a further work, so deep in fact, that even the mind can not comprehend it, yet the spirit can still sense God doing something deep within.
I also began to gain even more ground when I learned to accept things (all things) as the Father’s will for me, even bad and horrible things. They may have been there for me to learn to overcome them specifically, or to overcome something in me like pride or selfishness. Even the devil coming around is God’s will for my further growth in the spirit.
There are some sad, even distressing things in my life that I have to learn to accept as God’s will for me, they are not matters of spiritual warfare. Paul had shipwrecks, I have my stuff. To drink my cup He gives me with reverence and not a thought of complaint, is to glorify Him. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me, right?
By the way, although it may be that my current holy darkness experience is ended or subsiding, the outward conditions and circumstances are still exactly the same as they were when I was going through the darkest of the night. Again I say, the dark night is for the spirit, it is a spiritual experience. Depression, sadness, grief, these are of the soul until our soul has learned to become completely ruled by our spirit. (I wonder what that’s like?!).
Bless You.
December 25, 2008 at 11:07 pm
dj. I read your comments to Futuh #9. I have found that vocabulary can keep us from communicating truths effectively (and this too is from God). What you and I call darkness offends many as they quote scripture that there is no darkness in God. I did not read Futuh’s previous response about despair as I was unable to find it. I have experienced darkness for most of the last 6 years with various degrees of intensity. There have been times of great despair and anguish finding it difficult to carry out life’s activities, although I do. No one is aware of this unless I let them know. I have found that what I call despair is the meaningless of life in this world apart from God. The problem is that God hides himself leaving us with just the meaninglessness. We know that this will come to an end but only in God’s timing. The longest duration I had heard of was eight years until Mother Teresa’s book was published after her death. It appears she may have taken darkness to the grave. There have been times that I have been brought out of the darkness for a very short time only to find that God wanted to take me back to it. The hopelessness that is experienced is never with the Father but with being in the world not experiencing the Father. I agree that this experience is not depression but maybe only in the sense that depression is lived without the hope of God whereas darkness is only survived by hope in God and his faithfullness. There have been times that all that enables me to continue on the path is that God has graciously burned all previous bridges and I am left as Peter saying I have nowhere else to turn as You have the words of life.
December 26, 2008 at 6:31 pm
You’re right, Jeff, vocabulary can keep us from communicating effectively.
I have given more thought to what Futuh said of his despair (on the About me page), and what you have said as well. It was the despair of hopelessness in the world without God that I had in mind when writing that. God can, and apparently does, lead us into experiences of despair and I was wrong to say that He wouldn’t.
Thank you, Jeff.
Futuh, I’m sorry for saying that your despair wouldn’t be due to the Holy Spirit. It may very well be. Submit yourself to the Lord and His perfect will for you. He has not forsaken you, He is much nearer than you may realize. Rest in Him, in your spirit, and trust His faithfulness to you. I will continue to pray for you. Bless you.
December 30, 2008 at 4:11 am
It’s alright dj. It doesn’t make any difference to me whether it is dark time or dark night of the soul. The truth is it’s very lonely, meaningless passage of life,abandoned by God and I can’t stand it.English is foreign language to me so I can not describe my situation precisely. Thank you Jeff, you have described your experience that very much matches my situation. Though I do believe God is close to me, I can not sense his presence.
Dj, yes I agree that I should submit myself to the Lord but I find it not easy. My mind keeps wandering and makes me very very exhousted. Thank for your prayer, Dj.
December 30, 2008 at 9:40 pm
Futuh, I feel for you in your darkness. I hear your despair and pray the Lord encourage you. Watch for Him to show you encouragement.
I understand the frustration of a mind that wanders and can not seem to stay focused on God. The battle is very exhausting. Is it possible to NOT wrestle with it (for a time at least) and when you find your mind wandering, just remind the Lord that you do not have the power to keep yourself focused on Him and you rely on the Holy Spirit to do it in you. Leave it to Him to ‘fight the battle’ for you, but you stay submitted to Him by reminding Him (and yourself) that it is the Lord you want to be focused on. It is possible you will begin to experience Him overcoming the weakness in you.
Does that make sense?
December 31, 2008 at 4:10 am
Dj, I appreciate your suggestion. It does make sense to me. It requires my being nonjudgmental watcher to my inner battle. I have been trying to do so but I always find my ego so wild that surrender is not easy. Anyway, I’d be glad if you keep praying for me so that I can get through this painful cycle savely. I feel there is no way to turn but the Lord.
Thank you, dj.
December 31, 2008 at 8:30 pm
I will continue to pray for you, Futuh.
Learning to rely on the power of the Holy Spirit in us to overcome our weaknesses is the hardest thing for the flesh/soul to do. It has to submit to the spirit and not assume control itself.
It is very difficult to REST in the Lord and TRUST Him to do His perfect work in us. We tend to think it is up to us to do the perfect work. If that were possible we wouldn’t need Him! We are accountable to Him, but He is responsible for us and our spiritual growth. He is FAITHFUL and has promised to complete the work He has begun in us.
He is faithful to you, Futuh. He will continue to work in you, your spirit and your life. He loves you unconditionally and does not ask you, or expect you, to ‘perform’ some spiritual feat in order to receive His goodness. He asks you to BELIEVE. Believe in His love for you, His faithfulness, His power to perfect you, His mercy, His grace, His kindness, etc. All that HE IS, HIS NATURE, He asks you to believe.