Faith or Fairy Tales

Currently, the primary thing that stirs me spiritually is the need to maintain belief and faith in the transforming power of God. That we may, in fact overcome sin, self and the devil. Holding fast to and continuing in the faith to believe that He that is in me is greater than he that is in the world. That in Him, we too shall overcome. When He comes will He find faith in the earth? Will He find faith in us?

Four years ago I experienced a deliverance from sin that was truly the love of God and His miraculously transforming power within me, and within my life. My bondage to cigarette smoking was as solid as anyone else’s bondage to any other sin that has them so locked in there seems no hope, no means of escape, no matter how hard they try (and often because of how hard they try!).

Several weeks ago Ray Boltz came ‘out of the closet’ and confessed to the world that he was gay. Beyond that though, after several decades of marriage, 4 children and obviously a career of singing praise and worship to and about our God and the saving power and grace of Jesus Christ, he said he could no longer deny the way God made him. God made him gay and he was now giving himself over to embracing it, the papers and blogs reported.

But what he really gave himself over to was a lie. He attributed his sin to the work of God. He called what is unholy, as holy. He denied God and mocked Him. Struggling with the temptation was one thing, in fact, the very thing God desired to bring him to overcome. But having struggled with homosexuality most of his life, he became convinced it was who he really was and he was doing a disservice to God to deny it.

Having experienced the transforming power of God to deliver me of cigarettes and yet struggle with the faith that He will bring me to know overcoming in my other struggles, is baffling. I know I am not the only one.

There are temptations and sins we struggle with almost all of our lives and it becomes a part of our lives. So much a part of our lives we can think its normal, and even the way God wants it to be.

Leaning on the Lord, we have to look into the black abyss of the unknown, of doubt and fear, and trust that God has our back, our life and our death. We have to somehow believe in the unbelievable, trust the unknown, and go where few sons have gone before. This is how we grow as a son of God. If we don’t, how can we stand? We are double minded and building on sand. We have little faith and therefore will have very little, if any power, to love and help and save others, which is our calling and purpose, and our mission.

I often ask myself, “Did I come this far, to bail out now? Did I get through yesterday, just to give up today?”

The moment I was delivered of my smoking habit and addiction it was about 23 years coming and I didn’t even know I was delivered at that moment. All I knew was that God gave me what I needed to not buy a pack of cigarettes at that moment. I didn’t know how long it would last. It was a moment by moment discovery of what He had done. Today it is over 4 years and I have absolutely no struggle with it, not thoughts, temptations, memory, fear, nothing. It was an absolute deliverance as extreme to me as the bondage itself was. But it took many months, probably more than a year, before I could trust it was true and lasting and absolute.

I see now that this is also how we may discover His power and life in us to continue to overcome and rise up IN HIM, which means rising up IN FAITH and IN POWER and AS A SON. We may need to learn it by degrees. We may know the victory right away, but we will learn how absolute and true it is in time and through more testing.

I would love nothing more than to be excited about the time we’re in and the victory and glory that’s coming. But I’m still in a struggle of faith. I can’t fight and rejoice at the same time yet. I will. I am determined to lean on the Lord, for all that it will cost me (and I don’t say that lightly), that I may know that victory. Like the deliverance from the smoking. I could enjoy the momentary strength to walk away from giving in to the temptation again, but I couldn’t really rejoice in the deliverance until I had enough distance between me and what I was needing to overcome.

Spiritually I am at about 3 am in the morning. It’s still dark and deep in the night. But I do know the dawn is coming. A joy rises up with the dawn, with the light of day. I know mine is coming. It’s coming for many, but we are first needing to lean on the Lord in the dark of night, against the sense of hopelessness and desperation, against the sense of being forsaken and lost.

I pray for all of us to know the power of God is Love, a love that does not end, a love that is not superficial or conditional. His love is absolute and it absolutely saves. It is His love that holds us in the fire at times, rather than takes us out. We have to forsake and take captive the thoughts that tempt us to doubt and stand in unbelief. This is not a small thing. This faith is our inheritance. This faith is foundational to who we are and what we are called to be.

Our lives are not our own. They belong to Christ. He is faithful. He will not forsake himself, his Life or His body and bride. Against all odds, we MUST believe this.

We must believe in God and His love and His power to change us, our lives and others too. Otherwise we just believe bible stories as though they were fairy tales.

 

Me and the Red Sea

I could have titled this “How to stop smoking cigarettes without quitting”. That’s what happened to me. I call it my ‘Red Sea’ experience. Actually, its just one of my ‘Red Sea’ experiences, but it was monumental.

It was a miracle! I had an experience with my ‘Red Sea’ that spanned a couple decades before the sea finally parted under the power, Love, grace and mercy of God. For over twenty years I longed for and prayed for deliverance from smoking.

Gum, patches, will power, laying on of hands, ‘casting out’, etc. Nothing worked. But I was getting older and increasingly concerned about my health and the effects of a lifetime of smoking cigarettes catching up with me. My daughter pleaded for me to quit and I couldn’t blame her, but the pressure was horrible since I didn’t have the means to end this. I was really desperate.

One evening I just got down on my knees and without a big prayerful production, told God how I felt about it all and that I just wanted to quit. I was putting the cigarettes down and asked for whatever it would take to keep me from picking them up again.

This was a form of will power at this point, I suppose, but I submitted to God’s mercy and was being quite up front with God about it.

It became more difficult as the evening went on, to not want to go back to the public trashcan I had thrown my remaining packs of cigarettes into and light one up again. I had even thrown my ashtray and lighter away as well. I would have had to buy cigarettes and a lighter again just to have another smoke. But I held out through the night.

The next morning I was driving over to a friend’s house. It felt like someone was choking me while I was driving. Although I could breathe, my throat felt so constricted. I wanted a cigarette then and there almost more than I had ever wanted one. Just to make this feeling go away. I assumed it was withdrawal.

The closer I was to my friend’s house, where I was to spend the better part of the day, the choking sensation grew worse. I couldn’t take it anymore. I pulled into the parking lot of a convenience store.

Tears were rolling down my cheeks. I didn’t want another quitting attempt to be a failure. What hope is there if NOTHING works? In my car, and in tears, I told God I needed Him to BE GOD, right then and there. I looked over at the convenience store and said “God, I need you to do something really ‘God like’ to help me, because if you don’t I have to go to that store and buy some cigarettes right now. There’s nothing else I can do. I can’t even stop myself from buying them if you don’t help me.”

Impulsively I grabbed for my bible that I had tucked in the back seat. I didn’t know what else to do. I opened randomly and the pages fell open to Galatians 6:8. If you sow to the flesh you will reap corruption. If you sow to the Spirit you will reap eternal life (health, freedom, etc).

These were familiar scriptures I had read a hundred times. Believing I perfectly understood what it meant, I recalled this was the same scripture the Holy Spirit had been whispering to me, very far off in the back of my mind, for a few months. I didn’t know what specifically it was pertaining to during that time and I just let Him whisper it all He wanted. I trusted He would make it clear to me when the time came.

Well, the time came!

Something in me ‘snapped’ the moment I read the scripture. I don’t know what it was. It wasn’t a new revelation I was aware of, nor further insight into the words, but I did know that at that moment the Lord gave me whatever I needed to leave that parking lot without getting more cigarettes. He also gave me what I needed to make it through the rest of the day. The next day He gave me all I needed to make it through that day, and the next and so on. So God had ‘stopped’ me from smoking, but I have never had to quit. (I guess, at that moment, I had sown to the Spirit and God let it be known to me).

Quitting implies that I had the power within myself to actually quit. But I didn’t have what I needed to quit. God ‘stopped’ me from smoking. Big difference. The difference is as big as Moses parting the sea himself or God doing it.

The struggle with the choking sensation continued for many weeks. Although uncomfortable, it was something I was able to deal with (His grace was sufficient), and I would still deal with it if it had never ceased, rather than go back to smoking. But it did eventually stop.

Coming up on 4 years smoke free I can hardly believe it has been that long since ‘the Red Sea’ parted. I usually go weeks, sometimes a month or more, without remembering I used to smoke. I have walked past smokers and smelled the smoke without remembering right away. My heavenly Father has put it so far behind me, it’s almost as though it was never there.

The liberty is a joy. The freedom is wonderful. The miracle I am so thankful for. The Lord gave me what I needed.

Why was this time different than all the other previous times I prayed for Him to help me? I don’t know. I don’t know if it was different. The timing was different. It was 20+ years into my smoking pastime. Maybe God had reason not to deliver me sooner. Maybe my heart wasn’t right the earlier times. He alone knows the depths of my heart. When I thought I was being sincere and at the end of myself before, maybe I really wasn’t.

I don’t think it was anything I did or didn’t do, though. It was God’s timing for His purpose. Remember the man born blind for the purpose of Christ to heal Him? I have asked God why and He hasn’t answered me on that question. But I trust Him that it has done a work in me, He makes all things work together for good and I trust Him.

May this be an encouragement to anyone struggling with a relentless situation or condition. No matter how low you go, He is still God. Sometimes we need to get out of the way enough for Him to exercise His love for us in ways that we can’t begin to assume.

As a friend recently put it, the Life of Christ (resurrection) within us overcomes the law of sin and death in us. Much like the laws of aerodynamics or buoyancy overcome the law of gravity. When we can trust the Love of God and the power of Christ within us to overcome the law of sin and death, I believe we will have discovered a freedom for which Christ has set us free!

dj